I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
