Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
