i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
