and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
