Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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