thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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