Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
