he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
