I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
where am i from again
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
