Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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