ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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