Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
