I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
