i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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