I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize