You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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