new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
