make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
