Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
