wakey wakey hands off snakey
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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