Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
These tits shall not be calmed
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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