I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
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