Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
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Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize