i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
