she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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