Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
