im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
