Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
