I am in a vortex of obligation.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
