I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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