ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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