You smell like stripper and shame
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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