Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
