i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
