I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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