3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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