Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
