are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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