i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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