Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
