WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
