I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i believe in u and ur pee
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
