oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You ruined the universe
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