ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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