You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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