if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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