its not stalking. its research.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
