"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
