i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
