the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
