I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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