My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
