Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
