Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
