just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
