I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
