Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
