Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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