my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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