I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
