I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
