yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
