I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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