dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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