and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
