My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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