Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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