We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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