I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
