not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
