Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
