I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I need mimosas to revive my soul
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
