Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
